So This Is What Happened

I am back. I’m really not a flake. I promise. This season was particularly full. Our little family lost two jobs in September. One of my sons got married in October. In the same month, I also started designing jewelry again, and I re-pulled a muscle that was just starting to feel normal again. The pulled muscle has been brutal. This kept me from even spending Thanksgiving with my son. He had a cough, and I was just well enough that in the last week or two I could get up from a seated position without having to use two hands and every tiny bit of strength I had. I don’t even want to think what a cough would have done to me. I was pretty sure after being out shopping for food for Christmas that I was going to have to call the boys to come get me. It took everything I had to stand.  I watched 90 year olds sail past me. I thought I had a handle on the holidays, but I overestimated myself and underestimated the busyness of the season. When the holidays were thrown on top of what I was already doing, plus my hosting company decided December was a good time to tell me I had 7 days to delete excessive files, or they would deactivate my site, I began to feel like I was swimming upstream. No amount of begging or pleading got me an extension until after the holidays. Then after I took care of that, they piled more on me and told me I had too many database tables. I had no idea how to find these tables and how to figure out what could be deleted. They gave me about 3 days for that. That was fun. Let’s just say that I am no longer an affiliate for them. Did I mention that I had just started designing jewelry again and was trying to market and fill Christmas orders, not to mention everything else that went with starting a new business? Then the week before Christmas, since I had so much free time from everything running so smoothly, my router/modem quit working. No warning. Nothing. I know how it felt. I was about there myself.  It’s been really helpful that I did not completely lose my sense of humor through all of this. This was a two day ordeal with getting it setup again and getting my wireless printer and other devices reset. And trust me…the list just went on and on. But I survived it all. And by December 24th, I was completely calm even though I was still finishing my daughter-in-law’s gift, and I was waiting on my sons’ gifts to arrive via UPS, which they did about 7 pm Christmas Eve. I was so calm and peaceful by then that I am sure everyone had to wonder what I was on. I have no idea. I think I was numb.

But I just wanted you to know that I definitely didn’t flake on the whole blog thing because I’m just a…a flake. I was in survival mode. I had to take a lot of really great stuff off my plate, to get rid of the things trying to threaten my very existence.

But this brings up a great discussion on how we deal with life when this happens. Honestly, the last five years have not been too different from the last few months. In a way, that is part of what inspired this blog. That along with the fact that I saw others go through worse like rock stars. If I wanted to have a beautiful and happy life, that was going to be up to me and not circumstances. That is really cool when you think about it. Life does not dictate our beauty and our joy. That is up to us. We can all live beautifully. Some days, it is back to basics…remembering to breathe…baby steps. Sometimes it has to be about not trying to do it all. It is about making good choices and thinking good thoughts. I have also realized the importance of taking every thought captive. When you are having months like these, it can be easy to watch your thoughts begin to spiral. I had to be very intentional about what thoughts I would allow myself to think on. I want to focus even more on that for the new year. It is one of those things that keeps coming to my mind. I’m going to follow that. I’ve also learned to try and simplify my life as much as I can. Life usually laughs hysterically at me when I try to do that one. I do not want to even tell you what we had for Christmas dinner. But it’s all good. We had a fabulous time. We ate way too much, had wonderful conversation, watched movies, and played a great game. Our little family had a beautiful Christmas.

 

This fun, family time was so needed. As much as I love this season, I am finding it gets harder with the extra things that must be planned and done between the weeks just before Thanksgiving and up to Christmas, especially when you are just not feeling your best physically. That is a LOT to do for two of the biggest holidays. We might be ordering Chinese next year. Ha ha. No one is going to want to eat here for Thanksgiving if I do that. I might have to save that for Christmas. But I have learned to let go…yes, even let go of some dearly loved traditions. And maybe this isn’t such a bad way to be. It’s OK if it’s not perfect. It’s OK if it’s different than we have always done it. It’s OK to travel light and let go. It’s all OK.

We change when we grow through these seasons. Through all the years of squeezing…pressure…stress…we have the opportunity to grow. My head did not spin around even once through all of this. Maybe the past few years is what made me so calm. I shall not be moved. Just like a tree that is planted by the waters, I shall not be moved. Another thing I have realized is that no matter how old our children are, they are watching us and how we live life. Think about how much we observed from your own parents, conversations that we never had, or maybe only  a few passing thoughts were said, but we were watching and learning. My sons are watching me. I want to teach my sons how to shine (even when the sun is not out), how to thrive, how to have an indomitable spirit, and most of all, I want to teach them to rely on God and to stay close to Him during all seasons of life. We teach them these things by living them.

I do not know how I would get through these times without my faith. The day I was not sure how I was going to make it home from the store, there was some serious pow-wowing going on between Jesus and me. God is my rock. And that, my friends, is a beautiful way to live life. We never have to walk it alone. I read a quote on Instagram today. I cannot remember it exactly, but it went something like this….

“I am a princess not because I married a prince, but because my father is king.”

I know as Christians we have a head knowledge of this, but when you really think about it and let those words wash over you, it’s pretty mind blowing.  We are royalty. Our father is the king. You can just call me Princess Topaz from now on. Ha ha.

It’s good to be back. I’ve missed you all. I cannot wait to see what all of you have been up to and see if anyone remembers me. It feels like its’ been three lifetimes. But here we are once again with a new year and new possibilities ahead for us. We have no idea what amazing things this year may hold for us all.

I look forward to a wonderful year ahead designing jewelry to inspire and encourage while we connect and share here on the blog.

What has been happening with you?

Writing on the wall of life,

~Topaz